Are Substance Abusers Selfish?

It has often been said that substance abusers are selfish, and there was a time when I believed and indeed embraced this notion, but I eventually realized this is wrong.  Let’s consider a real life example, a friend of mine.

Jonathan, a heroin abuser from a single parent home, got himself kicked out of school in the 9th grade, and he never returned to school.  He stays living at home for years, and makes some cash by selling weed.  When he gets in trouble with the law every so often, he begs his mother and grandparents to pay for lawyers and fines.  While living at home, he’s lazy, he never cleans up after himself or helps his mother out in any substantial way.  Occasionally, when he doesn’t have enough money for heroin, he manipulates his mother into giving him money under the threat that if she doesn’t, then he’ll probably go rob somebody.  She and the grandparents send him through many treatment programs, but it just never sticks.  One of the programs he attended actually hired him and gave him a cushy office job, a place to live, and most importantly, a chance to get real professional work experience that could lead to a very successful life.  Within a few months, he starts selling weed in the community and inevitably loses the job.  He goes back home to mom and gets a job at the mall, where he quickly becomes a manager.  He then uses his position to steal thousands of dollars in order to pay for his revived habit.  He gets caught, and the cycle starts again.  He’s done many more hurtful things to people along the way, but this is his story in a nutshell.

Now when we look at this story in one way, it seems that Jonathan is indeed self-centered.  He repeatedly holds his personal desire for drugs, above the needs and even legal rights of others.  He cons his mother, his employers, and anyone else he comes in contact with, to feed his self-indulgent habit.  He puts his drug use, his desire for a high, before and above everything else.  Isn’t that selfish behavior?  Not really.

The exact definition of selfishness is “concern with one’s own interests”, and I posit that none of the behavior described in the example above is actually in Jonathan’s self-interest.  How can loafing around at your mother’s house, into your adulthood, actually be in your self-interest?  While Jonathan should be practicing earning a living, providing for himself, and building an independent life – he’s actually just siphoning everything he can from his mother.  What happens when she isn’t around anymore?  What about selling drugs, and constantly worrying about being caught by the law?  That certainly isn’t in one’s self-interest.  Building up a lengthy criminal record certainly isn’t good for Jonathan either, it will likely plague him for the rest of his life.  And when I saw him throw away a great job opportunity, the kind of job that is very rare for for a high school dropout with a criminal record – I felt truly sad for him.  That move was not in his self-interest.  Furthermore, the goal he is chasing – to be constantly high – although it’s something he currently wants, is still not in his self-interest at all, it runs counter to his self-interest.  On the most basic level, Jonathan’s goal of staying high is bad for him because while he’s high, he is avoiding dealing with reality and growing up; he’s trading the potential of a long fulfilling life, for the thrill of short term pleasures.

So in reality, Jonathan may have been acting in a way that dismissed the needs and rights of others, and in a way that holds his whims up as the center of the universe, but he wasn’t behaving “selfishly” in the true sense of the term at all.  He’d been acting in opposition to his own self-interest the entire time.  He was not simply worshipping himself, for if he was, he never would have behaved in such a way that repeatedly dismissed all of his true needs in life and long-term well-being – he was worshipping his irrational whims and shortsighted desires for cheap thrills and an escape from reality.  (I’m not saying that Jonathan is inherently bad or evil, I’m saying that he’s been misguided and making mistakes)

Now at this point, some may say that my disagreement with the diagnosis of selfishness is simply a matter of semantics, but it actually goes deeper than that.  To come up with the proper solution to a problem, we must accurately understand the problem.  Thus when we inaccurately label the substance abuser as selfish, we logically come up with the inaccurate recommendation that the substance abuser should practice selflessness or altruism in order to solve their problems.  When we recommend this, we are sending them down a confusing path.

The terms altruism, unselfishness, and selflessness all refer to a moral code of self-sacrifice, a code of denying our own needs and desires so that we may serve the needs and desires of others.  For a time, in the early stages of substance abuse cessation, being altruistic may actually seem to work.  You may drop all of your needs and desires, and put the needs and desires of others first, thus, ignoring your desire for a high, you will stay sober.  But the problem is that we have many needs which must be attended to, including our basic survival needs of food, shelter, etc., and we have psychological needs, such as the needs to feel happy, independent, and productive – and ultimately, true altruism, because it tells us to ignore these needs, becomes impracticable.

The inherent problems of altruistic morality are glaring.  To really practice it, you must ignore the very life force that drives all human progress, your own desire for personal happiness – and hope that someone else is invested enough in your happiness to take care of all your needs and make your dreams come true.  All supposed altruists eventually realize this, and if they still stubbornly stick to it as an ideal, they end up living or endorsing half measures and contradictions such as: you need to put others first, but you can only do that after you’ve paid your own bills.  Well you’re really putting yourself first then, aren’t you?  They’ll also make claims with a mystical flavor, either promising that God will take care of you in the afterlife or that your needs will magically be met here on earth as long as you keep denying your self, and have faith.  These promises ring hollow to many believers and non-believers alike.

In the early days of AA, there was much talk of unselfishness, and it was held up as an absolute principle of spirituality which must be followed for success.  This then showed up all over the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, the official textbook for the group.  There are at least 15 instances throughout the book where selfishness is referred to derogatorily.  One quote is particularly explicit in its disdain of selfishness – “Selfishness—self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles”.  They also recommend that we “lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows”.  The author also refers to his drinking behavior as selfish, and portrays selfishness as a “character defect” several times.  Yet, if you attend 12-step meetings, you will be reminded constantly that “this is a selfish program”.  The meaning of this statement is clear, it advises that you make your own well-being a priority.  Nevertheless, this is an example of the glaring contradictions which must come up when you demonize selfishness and recommend an altruistic path.  The problem is even more evident upon examining the Big Book’s recommendations on helping others and “passing it on”.  This, the 12th step, is prescribed as the way to stay sober.  So you are told to help other substance abusers as a means to help yourself, but then you’re told that you must only think of their well being, with no motive of helping them as a way to help yourself.  So why would you have ever started helping others if you hadn’t been taught that it is to your benefit to do so?  Why teach it at all?  They give you an explicit reason/motivation to help other substance abusers, then they tell you to forget that reason, but still go ahead and do it.  Do you see how confusing and self-contradictory these messages are?  This is because of the problematic nature of the altruistic moral code.  We could go in circles discussing this all day long.

Ultimately, you can’t accurately attribute a substance abuser’s problems to selfishness, at all.  Likewise I can’t endorse unselfishness, i.e. altruism, as the solution.  The idea that substance use and the behavior surrounding it is selfish, may at worst be very harmful, but at the least, it’s extremely confusing and counter-intuitive.  It reinforces the view that being under the constant influence of drugs is actually in the users self-interest, that it is good, and desirable on a personal level – when in fact it’s not.  Substance abuse, by definition, is to misuse substances in way where the benefits fail to outweigh the costs – it is not in anyone’s self-interest.  The root of substance abuse more accurately lies in the irrationality and poor decision-making caused by misplaced values or priorities.

What would Jonathan’s life be like if he valued independence and achievement more than he valued cheap thrills?  What if instead of constantly making choices which satisfy him in the short term, he made more choices to achieve long term goals?  What if he truly focused on building a better life for himself?  If he did these things, then he would stop abusing substances, and he would stop conning people and committing petty crimes.  He would build a good reputation for himself by dealing fairly with others, and this would increase his self-efficacy and self-esteem.  With each new goal he worked towards, he would build confidence and skills for dealing with reality and the demands of life.  He would no longer be dishonest, because it really isn’t in anyone’s self-interest to be dishonest.  Dishonesty is the practice of faking reality, and an attempt to live outside of it’s laws.  As one practices this, they become less equipped to deal with reality, but as they practice honesty, they become better equipped to deal with reality, and find success.  To live selfishly, by definition means to do what’s truly good for yourself, to live with honor, to meet the demands of reality.  As a side effect, this includes treating others well and with justice.

So we needn’t practice a watered down and contradictory version of altruism in order to get along in society and treat others well – we can be truly selfish, and that is ultimately a good thing, that we can practice forever, without contradiction.  I encourage you to practice true selfishness, to care for yourself and invest in your long-term survival, prosperity, mutually beneficial relationships with others, and personal happiness.

This is an unedited chapter from my upcoming book.

By Steven Slate

Steven Slate has personally taught hundreds of people how to change their substance use habits through choice - while avoiding the harmful recovery culture and disease model of addiction.

8 comments

  1. This is brilliant. "True selfishness" requires a higher investment in having good relationships with others than "altruism" does. Whenever I've been at my most hard-working or altruistic, I feel like I've had this expectation that people will necessarily reward me for it.
    Anyway, great post. I found myself thinking, "But he was selfish," and then totally following your explanation of how that behavior really isn't.
    PS a few minutes ago, I "plugged" you on my blog and I hope that it will draw at least a few more readers to you.

  2. Thanks Benny, I'm glad you enjoyed the post, and it's nice to find people who agree. Also, thanks for the plug, I'll be sure to check out your blog and plug any posts which are appropriate for my readers!
    -Steven

  3. You are exactly right. It takes awhile to start seeing these things after you leave the programs. I was truly more insane when I attended all the meetings for the very fact that they are a manifestation of contradictions. There is no empirical evidence used; just members’ experiences. Well, everyone has their own standpoint epistimology and the notion that I should base my recovery on the experiences of everyone else was mind-boggling. It seemed that people were robots, spokespeople for the programs who were not allowed to feel proud of their accomplishments nor could they dare ever ever say that it was “they” who did the work. It was God or their higher power or the group. Also, I did notice and talk to several members and the general consensus (no surprise I am sure to you) is that religious people (Christian & Catholic specifically) endorsed and grasped the program much easier than others did. The blatant Christian undertones in the big book and the preamble in AA are hard not to notice. Yet members insist upon insulting your intelligence by telling you it is a spiritual, not religious program. Perhaps they should take a class (like I did) that dissects and extrapolates the meanings of spiritual and religious and how the concepts differ and how they are similar. So much bullshit and everyone following the herd. Not attractive to me at all. Thank “God” I left. I have over 2 years clean and sober now and I am pretty damn sure it is because I made the CHOICE to do so. Cheers guys and thank you for challenging the status quo. Someday it will fall apart allowing the truth to emerge.

    1. Thanks Justin. This is very interesting:

      “spokespeople for the programs who were not allowed to feel proud of their accomplishments nor could they dare ever ever say that it was “they” who did the work.”

      I think this is a damaging trend in 12-step groups. It keeps them from growing the true self-esteem they should have for making important changes in their life. They should be proud, they should own their choices, and allow their confidence to grow – but then it gets nipped in the bud.

      A nasty example of 12-steppers being cut down is when one says something like “I feel great, I’m never going to drink again” or expresses any sort of happiness in their currently improved life, and then a fellow 12-stepper says “you’re on a pink cloud, and it’s gonna burst”. They encourage self-doubt and fear – all while claiming to be combatting fear.

      -Steven

    2. synonym for selfishness – egocentric-thinking only of oneself, without regard for the feelings or desires of others.

      Sometime we are doing the same things to get better and don’t even realize it. Maybe because we still hold on to resentments that we don’t want to see that. A lot of A.A. gets watered down and misinterpreted just like religion. Sick people helping sick people. Justin look up the history of A.A. and Oxford group(Christian based) where the steps came from. This happens a lot when you don’t have a good teacher that misinterprets something or can’t related something. It happens in education, religion, or cross fit haha when you don’t have a good teacher it can cause more harm than good. And Im sorry you had a bad experience. I too hate most meetings around my area too because that happens. Sometimes I would leave meetings and feel completely hopeless until I found people who actually got better.

      Of course we need to have our own goal and our own happiness… But not at the expense of others! I live and Im motivated internally and for my family. You have to think of other and have your own life and look to kick butt in your life. :))

      I hope you understand that you do hurt people when you get high and that you are irrationally thinking of yourself without the regard for others. Thats why its a mental illness that can be treated. And as for feelings! Feelings Feelings Feelings!!! You should be happy about your success but the best way to see if you’re doing well isn’t to ask how you are feeling its to ask your family and closest friends how you’re doing? Then I really will understand how well you are. Feelings don’t matter as much as you think your life is going to happen and your feelings will be happy, sad, good, bad, or whatever. I felt great when I was high sometimes. Is that good? No! Haha I know we understand this just wanted to say there are bad ok and great teachers. Sometimes you have to remain open to find them and sometimes we just want to debate 😉 !

  4. I love this – and I would have to add that so much of behavior that is claimed to be driven by “addiction” is only tangentially related to the drugs/alcohol. For example, I read a news story about a couple who moved in with a vulnerable older, single woman in her mobile home. Neither had a job, both used drugs. The story said the couple used this woman to “support their drug habit”. Which, in a narrow sense, is true. But the thing is, they used this woman to support ALL their needs – rent, food, vehicles, and money to pay for recreational drugs. They were mooches, and even if they didn’t do drugs, but still lived rent free in that woman’s trailer, eating food she paid for, they would still be moochers.

    Another example – since the mid 1800s, when an anti-vice activist first came up with the idea (with no evidence to support it), people have been parroting the claim that people who use drugs “turn to crime to support their drug habit”. This claim always makes me envision crackheads maintaining little double-entry ledger books, so they can use their minimum wage salaries to pay for rent, food & clothing, and the proceeds of crimes to pay for their illegal recreational drugs. Like with the above-mentioned couple, who mooch to get what they need/want, people who get money from criminal acts use that money to pay for whatever they want to buy – drugs, beer, food, cell phones, whatever.

  5. Most of you people are so full of yourself I could almost puke. Attack Christian values, muddle semantics, undermine the good vs bad of 12 step stepping stones is what? An attempt at self enlightenment is just that – an attempt! We all need others to live. Sociatle norms are guidelines. Now, there are truly bad people all around us and there are also truly good people. To make a difference for good what must happen? It is not the strongest. It is not the smartest. Then who or what is socially acceptable for what success has come to mean. Take a long look at evolution and at yourself. The survivors are, as proved in all life forms, the most ADAPTABLE. We were given freewill freely so use your freewill freely for good or for bad. Live or die the choice is free to oneself.

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